Operation Xu Huang
by Scytherageroses
Summary: Closed for editing. Be back soon.


**Chapter One**

Happy was an understatement. Xu Huang watched on as the couples entered the bar one by one, for the weekly Date Night.

All wearing happy smiles. None more happier than Diaochan and Sun Ce. Xu Huang sat beside Ma Chao and Ma Dai at the bar table, as Ling Tong served them alcohol.

By now, Ling Tong had given Xu Huang the whole whiskey bottle.

Lastly, Zhuge Dan found himself dragged in by the ear by his new girlfriend, Miya Tuonela, to which everyone laughed at him. "We've only been together two weeks and she's already got me by the balls. Help!" Dan yelled, when the two sat down beside Zhenji and Zhao Yun.

"Sucks to be you. At least Ma Dai gives me my space when I need it." Ma Chao said,"let me guess, Dan, you can't go anywhere without her bugging you, huh?" "Other way around, actually, Dan's like a territorial puppy. I can't go anywhere alone, without him flipping out." Miya said with a wink, when Ling Tong handed her a glass of Finnish vodka.

Laughing, Zhao Yun made a whip cracking sound, causing Dan's face to turn beet red. "Hey, chill with that. No one is whipped. Dan and I both give each other enough freedoms. It's just that we don't like to be apart for long." Miya said with a smirk, landing a sweet kiss on his cheek, while everyone "awww'ed"

"And I assume someone here has an announcement to make. That's what the Facebook message was, right?" she added.

"Yes!" Diaochan exclaimed. She beamed at Sun Ce and yelled,"We're engaged!" Everyone was completely floored. "Engaged?!" Zhenji yelled. She smiled and added,"Congratulations!" "Thank you!" Diaochan said. By now, she had been smiling so much that her face was beginning to hurt.

All the guys slapped hands with Sun Ce, the girls hugged Diaochan, when Ling Tong yelled,"Yoooo! Congratulatory shots!"

As they all did their shots, Ma Dai turned to Sun Ce and asked,"When's the wedding?" "We just got engaged! I don't know!" Sun Ce replied. Diaochan giggled, and sat on Ce's lap, looking at Zhenji. "So when are you next?" she asked.

Considering she and Zhao Yun have been together for nearly three years. Diaochan and Sun Ce had only been together for one, and Zhen was silently waiting for Zhao Yun to put a ring on it.

If he wasn't busy following his boss Liu Bei around the Tri-State area for work all the time.

"Ask him." Zhenji said, tilting her head at Zhao Yun, who had his arm wrapped around Ma Chao, talking and laughing loudly. She groaned and added,"I'm beginning to think never." "Oh Zhen, darling...don't say that, I'm sure he'll  
come around soon." Diaochan said, taking Zhenji's hand into hers.

"And what about you, Zhuge? When are you putting a ring on Miss Sweden?" Sun Ce asked, turning his attention to Zhuge Dan, who was being served vodka down his throat. Instead of reveling in it, he coughed and almost spit it up. "The hell is this stuff?!" he yelled. "You said you wanted to try it. And don't spit up like that, it's gross. You have spit running down your chin." Miya said, rolling her eyes, wiping Dan's chin down.

Zhao Yun turned to them and made another whip cracking noise, causing the Ma boys to laugh heartily again. "Anyway, Ce, you asked me a question?" Dan added. Miya curled into his hold, when Sun Ce asked,"Yeah, when are you putting a ring on that?"

Dan almost choked on his beer and replied,"Uh...give us some time, we just started dating." "But you've known her for almost ten years." Sun Ce said,"better go and fix that. You know we could have a double wedding."

"I've only known her for four years, Ce. And if you want to talk about 'putting a ring on it', then go talk to Zhao Yun." Dan retorted. "I'm not doing the marriage thing again." Miya said. "Again?" Ce asked. Dan nodded and said,"She was engaged a while back. Because someone wanted a Visa into this country."

"I didn't accept his proposal. Still, the guy's a fucking idiot. Thinking he could use my feelings for his advancement." Miya snapped. "Who was it, if you don't mind me asking." Sun Ce asked. "Deng Ai." she replied, rolling her eyes,"it's something I don't like to talk about."

"I see...wait a second, Deng Ai?" Sun Ce asked,"giant thighs?" "Yes." she replied. Ce's eyes grew wide, and he was about to ask a question, until he looked at Dan and refrained. She knew right away what he was about to ask. "And don't ask me about _'that'_ Ce. If you must know, the answer is yes. But _'that'_ and great sex isn't enough to make me stay with someone who doesn't truly love me."

"And I'm presuming Dan is a beast in bed?" Ce asked. Dan suddenly held his head in his gloved hands, and she replied,"I don't kiss and tell." "Just admit it." Zhao Yun said. "Stay out of this!" she yelled. Dan groaned and said,"I came here to have fun with my friends, not to be badgered about our sex life." "You've only been together for two weeks!" Ma Chao yelled,"there's already a sex life?"

Miya refrained from responding, once again, there were questions, until Diaochan and Zhenji grabbed their  
men. "Alright, enough! Leave that poor boy alone." Diaochan said.

Then Zhenji turned to Miya and asked,"I'll bet he makes you scream in all the right places, right, dear?" "ZHEN!" Zhao Yun said. Miya completely blushed, as did Dan, when Zhenji replied,"Oh come on, I thought by now you'd be used to my subtle, yet enchanting humor."

"As a counter to my usual sarcastic and morbid humor, it's alright." Miya replied,"and I'm still not saying anything. Quit pestering us. Why don't you ask Diaochan and Sun Ce about their engagement. I'm sure she fucked him right when he proposed."

"Considering I proposed out in the open, I doubt it. Diaochan's a lady, she wouldn't sleep with me unless we're indoors." Sun Ce said, wrapping his arm around his woman. He looked at Miya and Dan and said,"Now she's the type to-"

"Shut it, Ce." Diaochan snapped. "Yes ma'am." Ce replied sheepishly. Once again, Zhao Yun made a whip cracking sound, causing him, Ma Chao and Ma Dai to laugh. "Isn't there one more couple supposed to be coming? What's keeping them?" Zhenji asked,"Lu Meng and Gan Ning usually aren't this late."

"Gan Ning?" Ce asked, looking at Ling Tong behind the bar, who was shaking a bottle, making a martini for a customer.

"I'm out of beer." Dan said, rising from the table. He went up to the bar and ordered once more, when Zhenji turned to Diaochan again. "So what about Lu Bu? You think he knows?" she asked. "What about Lu Bu?" Diaochan asked,"it's nothing he needs to know. He's just a stalker, it's not like he's my ex or anything."

"He's a serial womanizer. Not as bad as Dong Zhuo, but he can get pretty bad." Miya added. "But our men can handle him." Zhenji said. "That's not the point, it's something we should resolve ourselves. Lu Bu would never put his hands on us to harm. Anyway, like I said, he's a stalker. His opinion of my engagement doesn't matter." Diaochan said.

"Deng Ai's trying to get back with me. He got his Visa last month, and he's been calling me again, since we met at that Kreator show earlier this month." Miya said, rolling her eyes. "Oh? Did you tell Dan?" Diaochan asked. "No. I figured it would resolve itself." Miya replied. "As long as he doesn't go over the line, but make sure he knows you're involved with someone, it might keep him away."  
Zhenji said.

"Right. I hope it works." Miya sighed,"you know, I really thought he liked me. We had been hooking up for a while back in '08, but after the shit he pulled, I didn't want to speak to him for the rest of my life. Or see him. We ran into each other a few times again, mutual friends, him showing up at the same parties I was at, but I tried to avoid him. Finally, at the Kreator show earlier this month, he outright said, let's see each other again."

"I'm happy with Dan. Him and I have been trying to get together for the longest time, but I kept getting into all these stupid relationships, I didn't even realize my best friend was the best guy for me. It's so cliche, but it's actually true." she added.

Dan returned to the table with two beer bottles for himself and his woman, sitting close to her, where he was almost sitting on her lap. She smiled and kissed him, accepting the beer, to when the two women "aww'ed" at them. "You two are so cute, you know." Diaochan said with a smile. "So are you and Sun Ce. Tell me about the engagement!" Miya exclaimed.

"Well...ok, he-" Diaochan was saying, before the whole bar turned silent when Lu Meng and Gan Ning walked in. "Yo, there they are." Zhao Yun said with a smile, raising his glass.

"You fucking asshole!" Ling Tong suddenly yelled, hurling a bottle of Jameson at Gan Ning. Diaochan cringed when she saw the glass break close to her, Sun Ce holding her close, away from the glass. Ling Tong flipped over the bar and charged at Gan Ning, screaming angry curses, when Lu Meng held his hand at his chest, stopping him.

"Don't touch my man." he snapped, slamming Ling Tong to the floor.

"DAMN!" Sun Ce yelled, when Ling Tong's body bounced against the cold, hard floor. "Lu Meng's quite devoted, huh?" Zhenji said. Ling Tong groaned and rose up from the floor, holding his  
back, limping back to his space behind the bar. "Get out of here, Gan Ning, I don't want to see you!" he yelled.

"What's he so mad about?" Diaochan asked. "You don't know how Gan Ning and Lu Meng got together?" Zhenji asked. Diaochan shook her head. She held her hand away from the fight and added,"Gan Ning was a squatter from California. He made his way to Philadelphia, Lu Meng found him under 95 in South Philly, he was a street fighter, and Lu Meng took him in. Had him living with him, had him enter his martial arts dojo, became his sensei. Ling Tong entered the dojo as well, and he and Gan Ning fell in love."

"But, Ling Tong and Gan Ning had a falling out, Lu Meng confessed to Gan Ning that he loved him, and they slept together. He dumped Ling Tong shortly after that, and began dating Lu Meng." she added. Diaochan rolled her eyes and said,"All this, because someone put his you-know-what in the wrong place...how stupid."

"Why don't they have a threesome and call it a day?" Miya chimed in. "Honey, I don't think that's a good way of resolving things." Dan said. Miya shrugged and said,"It worked with Sima Zhao, Sima Shi and Wang Yuanji." "Until they kicked her out of the bed and slept with each other." Dan added. "Damn. And I missed it?" Miya said with a smirk, downing the rest of her beer.

"She's still bitter about it. So bitter that she tried using Xiahou Ba to make them jealous, until Xiahou Yuan put a stop to that. Now she's going through a lesbo stage with Xingcai." Zhenji said.

"Eh? Wang Yuanji's a lesbian?" Ma Dai asked. "Going through a phase." Zhenji replied. "I got my camera ready." he added with a smirk, causing Ma Chao to slap him. "Oh, but I love you Chao." Dai said, kissing him.

Finally, Xu Huang spoke.

"This is why I don't deal with this stuff. Long Tong fights Gan Ning because he cheated on him, Zhuge Dan and Sun Ce are completely whipped, and the Sima brothers fight over women, I can't do it."

Everything was quiet, when Miya chimed in,"Xu Huang needs to get laid."

"Honey, I don't think that's the right course of action." Dan said. "And why not? I always feel better after a pounding by Lu Meng." Gan Ning said with a smirk.

Causing Ling Tong to break a glass in anger.

"Ning..." Lu Meng said, flustered.

"All I'm saying is that Xu Huang would feel better once he has someone to make him happy." Miya said. "But he doesn't bitch about it like Kai does." Zhenji said.

"That's because Kai's a dumb bimbo who spreads her legs wherever she goes. I'm just happy she's finally out of my hair. She's been after Dan for a while." Miya said,"and she'll be dead before she gets anywhere near my man."

"Anyway. About Xu Huang. Why don't we set up some ideas. You know, work with him." she added.

"Like getting him laid?" Zhenji asked. "Naturally." Miya replied. "Guys, I really don't-" Huang said.

"Of course. You know, we'll take him out with us, take him to some bars, some clubs-"

"Guys, I-"

"Or maybe even an ad on Craig's List."

"Craig's List? Are you serious? They kill people on that site!"

"Guys, seriously."

"Besides, Xu Huang is so handsome, I don't know why girls don't go after him."

"Maybe because he has a personality as bland as sandpaper."

"Hey!"

"Seriously! I appreciate the help, but I'm not interested!" Huang yelled, getting everyone's attention.

And with that, he left the bar.

"Hmmm...what's his email address?" Miya asked. "Huh? Why do you want to know?" Diaochan asked.

"Oh come on, babe, don't do that to him." Dan said. "What is it?" Zhao Yun asked. "I've got the perfect idea. But I'm not saying anything until it's ready." Miya said.

And with that, she got out a pen and paper, jotting down her new grand scheme.

Operation Get Xu Huang Laid.

"Until I can come up with a better name." she added with a smirk.

* * *

**A/N:**I just had to add my OC in there again, for shits and giggles, because I love writing her and Zhuge Dan together. It's a bit more lighthearted than 'With Bitterness and Joy', though. As far as the Deng Ai situation, that's based off a relationship I was in a few years ago.

..If you can call it that. *rolleyes*

Right now, I'm at a loss as to what to call the story, none the less what to call "Operation Get Xu Huang Laid". If anyone has any cool ideas, I'd like to hear them.

Enjoy!

And special thanks to Vovo for inspiring me to write this silly story! 3


End file.
